Bad Sex

You know, guys who claim to have huge dicks, and when they get naked you need a magnifying glass to find it. Women who say they love giving head but stop after less than 2 minutes. Things like that. Most of the stories were pretty tame. One friend was with a guy who was high as fuck and thought it would be funny to take a running leap at her vagina. Thankfully he missed and just face planted on the food of the bed. I can't imagine how bad it would have been if he'd have succeeded in head butting her between her legs!!! One guy was with a partner who bit his dick so hard it bled. I don't even want to know what was going through that guy's head!!! I was once with this guy that I drove over an hour to meet up with (not on this site, I won't call anyone out from here unless they comment on here!!!). We talked for a bit, with him never once making eye contact. He probably would not recognize me walking down the street, I don't think he ever saw my face. Instead of his first move being a kiss he put his head straight into my chest and proceeded to motorboat me through my t-shirt. I should have been grateful, because when he did finally kiss me it was AWFUL!!! You know how little k**s will pretend to "gum" something. They pull cover their teeth with their lips and the skin on their face is really tight and make a smacking noise? That was how he kissed. Smack. Smack. Smack. Smack. Honestly, that should have been a deal breaker right there. But I'd had a few drinks and was horny (although getting less so by the minute!) so I figured we could just move on to other things. He was so fascinated by my tits that I took off my top. He immediately began sucking my nipples in the same fashion as his kissing. And he sucked HARD!!! I told him a few times to lighten up, but I swear he just clamped down harder. My nipples were literally sore for like 3 days!!! Again, I should have stopped. But nope... I kept right on going. He got up on his knees and pulled off my pants. Thankfully they were lose because he didn't even try to unbutton them or anything. Then he went down on me. At least he did that semi well. It was not great, but better than anything he'd done up until then, and I was starting to get back into the mood again. Although he was a sloppy eater... When it finally came time to have "sex" he bounced around on top of me like a jack hammer and after about 2 minutes started yelling at the top of his lungs "I'M CUMMING! I'M CUMMING!" The guy was not even inside me!!! I don't know what he was thinking, but he was nowhere close to my vagina. When he finished he kissed me again. This time he actually opened his mouth. And then proceeded to suck/lick my entire face like the lion when the lion tamer sticks his head in the lions mouth at the circus... I swear he had my entire mouth, chin, and part of my nose in his mouth all at one time!!! It was so disgusting I had to wash my face like 3 times!! Needless to say I never saw him again... Who ever said "bad sex is better than no sex at all" needs to have sex with this guy!!! And all of this after bragging about how good he was in bed. I swear I think he was a virgin when we met. And considering there was never any actual penetration, he was still one when we were done... If you choose to comment, feel free to tell your worst sex stories. I know I can laugh at mine (NOW). Maybe we can all bond and have a few chuckles over some shared misery!!!